Happiness is an Attitude

Mo money, Mo Problems?

2012-01-25T13:30:00.001-05:00

T-3 days until I go up to NOVA! I still don't have a place to live (that is the biggest question I get lately, with good reason). I am staying with my friend Beth from college for a couple weeks until I learn the area, explore a little bit, and figure out what I want. I have a lot of good leads/connections that I've made over the last few weeks and I'm so excited to meet these people in person! I'm excited to see what new friendships and relationships I'll make living in a new area.

One of the things that I've been trying to grasp, but don't feel like it will fully sink in until I move up; is the financial aspect of moving to a new location. Now I know that it is a lot more expensive up there (the 2nd thing people say, after asking if I have a place to live yet), but I feel like I've learned a lot by not making much these last 5 years. I feel like people who go into a job making a significant amount of money due to the location of where they live or the major they picked in college, don't get the full reality. Sometimes I had to debate between dinner and a movie with friends, or groceries for the rest of the month. I'm not going to lie, sometimes it sucked.

I've always been a saver to the best of my abilities. When I was younger I would work at the Candy Store, put all that money directly into savings, and my spending money was my babysitting money I earned on top of that. When I was 17 I bought my first car: 1989 Honda Civic for $2,100.00. That was the majority of the money that I'd been saving since I was 13, but the pride that I had because I bought my first car... was totally worth it. I didn't work much through college, because I was lucky enough that I didn't have to. I always worked on breaks through college and during the summer, so that I could make they money I needed to have a social life. At one point I was working at Harry and David, Farm Fresh and Ruby Tuesdays at the same time.

I was only unemployed one month between graduating and the "real world" because I knew I needed something (and my parents were bugging me to contribute rent). I took a job that wasn't in my degree field, I ultimately didn't like, and made $10.00 an hour. Even though I wasn't making much, I invested into my 401k to save for the future, and had $25.00 each pay check go into savings. I ended up saving over $4,000 while living at home for a year with my parents. I was totally pumped. This is where the slip up happened.

After my year living at home, I wanted to be on my own. I believe the little birdies fly the nest for a reason... and I was more than ready. I found an awesome place in New Town with Leanne which was an AWESOME experience. However, it was the first time that I had been completely on my own. I was 22, living in a place where I could walk to Starbucks, all the bars, Victoria's Secret, Ann Taylor, and Barnes and Noble. I quickly blew through the money that I had saved and that is when the credit card debt started to pile up. Now I know its not as much as a lot of people have, but I also had over $900 a month in expenses like my car and rent (not including anything else). I was living above my means, but I didn't care. I was living the life, had gotten another new job and was making more money, had started my own ROTH IRA because my company didn't have a 401k, so I was ok... or so I thought.

At the end of year 2 of living in New Town I realized that this was NOT how I wanted to keep living. Charging everything on credit cards, not having any money to myself, and knowing that everything I made went away. Once I came to that conclusion I knew I had to do something about it. I had a photography job on the side since 2008, but that just wasn't cutting it. I hadn't yet made a gain on my business, which meant no more spending money for me. I realized it was time for me to get a 2nd job. I lucked out in this department. Because I believe in never burning bridges, I went into Harry and David - the same store I had worked at 5 years prior and filled out an application. The management was almost the same, so I didn't need to interview. I came highly recommended, by the entire store :-) I worked at Harry and David for about 10 months. I worked hard, and some days had a hard time balancing everything, but the feeling of knowing I was saving, was amazing.

In July of 2010 I ended up moving after 3 years of loving my roommate and where I was living, but I felt that saving money was more important, and I would be cutting my rent in half. It was a great choice. Before Christmas I hadn't charged my credit card in months, I had cut my debt by $1,000, and paid off a student loan.

Then Christmas happened, and the multiple trips to NoVA for the interviews/house hunting, and I've had a little set back this month, but I feel like because of my past I'll be OK and get back on track; once my life does the same. Granted, I'm moving to the DC area and I did get a nice little bump in pay - the amount of take home pay after credit cards, car payment, cell phone, insurance etc, is still more than I've ever been used to having in the last 5 years. I do know that there will be more temptation to go out to eat, go to happy hours, brunches, and many many food options that I know will come my way, however... between my LivingSocial deals, cooking at home, and bringing my lunch to work most days I think I'll be on the right track to paying off my debt by the time I'm 29 (year and a half). Here's to hoping... and to keeping a balanced checkbook!

I knew it would happen eventually

2012-01-17T22:50:00.004-05:00

Well, tonight was the night. I knew it would happen sooner or later. Tonight was the night where it finally hit me that I'm moving in T-11 days and I have no place to live, haven't packed anything, had my last Glee night in Williamsburg without realizing it so I watched it alone, and work took me out for a goodbye lunch today. How did this all sneak up on me so quickly? Maybe because I don't have a finalized place to live it doesn't feel real? Maybe because all communication I've had with my job has been electronic and haven't talked to a real person about anything? Lots of questions swirling right now. Not really blogging for a purpose at the moment, just to get it out. This is a bigger thing for me than I think a lot of people realize. Just 2 years ago I was afraid to drive up in northern VA traffic and in just 11 days I'll be moving. Holy shit.

Getting ready for the biggest change of my life

2012-01-11T18:14:00.004-05:00

SOOO much has happened lately. I've told so many people the story so here is the Twitter Version...

Applied for a job on a whim, had Thanksgiving, saw family, had a phone interview on December 9th, thought I sucked, waited two weeks to get an email back, on the 22nd got the email asking if I could come up for an in person interview on December 30th, took that Friday off from work, stayed with Beth, metro-ed for the first time, hung out in Starbucks, did the interview, metro-ed back to Crystal City, treated myself to lunch at Chick Fila, changed, drove home, got a phone call from LivingSocial offering me the job 4 hours later, I freaked out, called everyone I knew in the area, took the weekend to think about it, called them Tuesday and accepted, told my boss Tuesday afternoon (a week ago), she was shocked, drove up that Saturday, checked out two places, thought I found one, thought again, going up again Saturday to see more apartments, don't know if I want roommates after all, finalizing stuff at work, and trying to say goodbye to 19 years worth of connections and friends all at the same time. Needless to say I'm a little stressed at the moment.

I've written a To Do List for the next few weeks of my life:

Moving To-Do List

Find a place to live
get boxes
pack
disolve my business
contact credit card processing center
disolve my business accounts
go to bank and transfer money
ask Mike about taxes
DMV change of address form
USPS change of address form
purge closet and clothes
change address on all online documents

As you can see... the majority of these things need me to actually have a place to live before they can be done. I think that is the thing that is freaking me out the most right now. Getting the job was the easy part. I've always had a place to live.... I know things will work out, but with me not knowing the area and not really knowing what I want right now its double the over analyzing in my head. I want to make sure that I make the right decision. I feel like once I go up there again and finalize things then it will be all good. Everything else will fall into place.

I don't think its really hit me 100%, that I'm leaving the place I've called home for 19 years of my life. MAN that is a long time! I don't think its 100% hit me that I'm more ready than I ever thought possible either. I've always had myself in this bubble of what I felt I could or couldn't do for whatever reason; whether it was myself telling me no or other people. Forget that. I'm excited to start fresh. I feel like I'm going to college all over again and I can be anyone I want to be. I'm so excited about all the new people I will be meeting, the old ones I'll catch up with and what my life holds from here. I promise I'll blog and keep everyone up to date with things. I just need an apartment first!!

Day 7

2011-11-07T13:26:00.000-05:00

Well, I made it a week without my first relapse... until today. I broke down today before lunch and just perused my wall for a minute. Its not my addiction to Facebook that is bringing me in... but my addiction to people.

I had a quiet Weekend - Erin and I went to see The Rum Diary and went to dinner at 5 Guys before. I spent most of the weekend bumming around with my roommate, going to the gym, and doing laundry at my parents house. I've also been working on a website for my business. I've wanted a website for a long time, but didn't have the money to pay someone to make one. I finally hit my breaking point and figured I could make one myself. A friend of mine told me about Wordpress and the rest is history. I love being able to do it myself and have complete control over things. I have a friend of mine who is my back end person who will answer questions when I have them and teach me how to do certain things, but most of it is me. I love that feeling. I feel like I'm actually using my time online to accomplish something rather than random Facebook looking.

Nothing has really happened in my week off the grid - I haven't hung out with more people, and I haven't hung out with less. I just am doing my thing without facebook, and other than my relapse today it hasn't been so bad. I've been talking on the phone and Skyping more, which is cool, but I do still feel like I'm missing out on the gossip of my friends. We'll see how the rest of the month goes!

Day 3

2011-11-03T14:26:00.000-04:00

Today is not such a good day. I don't know if its because I'm going through Facebook withdrawal, PMSing, or just bored with my life, but I am just feeling out of sorts and like I will cry at any moment. This is a venting post. Usually I sensor myself because I don't like people seeing "that side of me", but I don't care anymore.

Towards the end of the craft show season this year I've gotten really burnt out. I'm so tired of getting up at the break of dawn, lugging my stuff and myself to a craft show, setting up alone, sitting there all day alone, breaking down my stuff at the end of the day and maybe making enough to cover the booth fee, if that (not counting the money I spent on the food at the show). Now don't get me wrong - I have the friends I love dearly who sit with me and come visit and keep me company, and that means the world to me, but the majority of the time its just me.

I feel like money is holding me back from doing a lot... I really want a website, but I don't have money to pay anyone; or money to buy a program for me to use myself. I know there are free programs out there, but I really want something that looks good, and can be used for some time. I'd rather invest more initially and then earn it later. I feel like money is also holding me back from doing things like taking trips, visiting people, and thus expanding my friendships.

I feel like everything is just meh, life is fine... its not exciting, its not heartbreaking. It just is. I'm having a really hard time feeling like I fit in anywhere right now. I gave up Facebook for the month (obviously) so for something different I thought that it would be cool to start a book club. I emailed about 20 or so people, obviously knowing that not all of them would respond, but I figured I'd get a nice amount back. I've gotten 3. Seriously people? 3 emails out of almost 20-25? I guess online its easier to ignore people than in real life. I know I shouldn't be worrying about quantity when quality is what should matter, but I think that fact that my email is sitting there in the email boxes being ignored on purpose is way worse than people saying no. To me, it's saying that they don't care enough to even email me back.

I think that may be one of the hardest things to grasp about the no Facebook thing, is how many people may be OK going a while without hearing from me, or hearing about my life, or talking to me in general. I've always been a people person priding myself in having a lot of people to hang out with and always doing something and going somewhere. I guess once your friends start getting married, having babies, and spending all their time with that significant other friendships go to the back burner, because they're fulfilled in other ways. That's cool and everything, but it sucks for the girls out there who still haven't given up on the days of girl talks, slumber parties and long for in depth conversations. Man I wish I could go back there again...

No Facebook Day 1

2011-11-01T13:32:00.000-04:00

So, I may be having withdrawal symptoms... and its only day 1 - well technically its day 1/2 - so far the hardest thing about not being on Facebook is the after lunch phase. Usually I take lunch from 12-12:30 and then from 12:30-1 I spend time updating and checking through the Facebook information that I missed. It helps break my day up, and it gets me back on track for the rest of my day. I also have been having thoughts like "oh that would be awesome to share with people". I just power through and read some new articles that I've been missing out on at PsychologyToday.com or walking around the building, but so far I haven't missed it as much as I thought I would. Tonight may be a different story - I'm going to miss the Sims and Cityville!

I've always been very interested in social media and what researchers and psychologists are saying about how it is affecting social interactions. I have a documentary that I am getting from the Library later this week called Disconnected - it is what happens when three college students go "off the grid" with all things electronic (email, Facebook, everything). I am VERY excited to watch this and see how they deal with it and whether they cheat or not. There will be a blog about this - no doubt!

I was reading an article on PsychologyToday.com and it was about Facebook and Social Media in general. I'm not on the same level that she is after checking Facebook, but these two statements resonated with me:

"There are the people checking-in here and hanging out there, tagging each other with inside jokes, and I feel like I’m reading someone else’s high school yearbook, and that person is having the best time EVER! and I’m still in my pajamas drinking my coffee as life passes me by in tweets and status updates.
I get into trouble when I take my eyes off my own path and look over at someone else’s. I immediately get sucked into comparing and despairing, and lose all sense of groundedness, of being anchored to my life."

Reading Facebook and Twitter streams can destroy my self-esteem Published on September 25, 2011 by Jennifer Garam in Progress Not Perfection (read the blog - its pretty sweet)

I have 8 books from the library that I am going to read - starting with Accidental Billionaires. Should be awesome considering how much I LOVE "The Social Network". I also decided that I would join the YMCA again - I have been seriously missing fitness classes like CRAZY and at the Y I can get more fitness classes for less than I've been paying at the Rec Center (their fitness classes are paid for separately - totally lame). I also got a LivingSocial deal today that lets me start at the Y for only $11.00 - its awesome. I'm excited to be dancing, spinning, and whatever else I decide to do. So far the first half of day 1 has sparked some different ways to use my time and I like it :-)

Is Facebook really all that?

2011-10-31T09:35:00.001-04:00

Facebook… what is it good for? I know... what a weird question right? The fact that I’m posing this question on Facebook is probably contradictory and a bit ironic, but I’ve been seriously thinking about that the last few weeks. I have 450 facebook friends. WOW – I should feel so popular right? Yea… that’s the problem. I speak/hang out with maybe a handful of them on a regular basis. I could probably count on two hands how many people I’ve hung out with in the last 3 months. I’ve been feeling like I’ve been missing in-depth conversations, having someone to turn to, and just a solid base of really close friends. I think I may be using Facebook subconsciously to make me feel better about the lack of people I hang out with in real life because “look at how many people I follow on facebook” just seems better.

I feel like the majority of my interactions are superficial these days, not much more than skimming the surface. When people get together I feel like things don’t need to be discussed as much because “I read it on facebook” tends to move the conversation along pretty quickly. I’ve also noticed a pattern with people on Facebook especially when it comes to making Events. I don’t know if it’s just me or not, but I do not get much of a response at all. Maybe a card in the mail or an actual email will do the trick better? Maybe it’s a wakeup call saying people just don’t care as much as I think. (Yet I respond to anything regardless, just so people can get an RSVP count).

Don’t get me wrong – I love my friends and I do enjoy going on facebook to catch up with people, play games, and just escape for a little while. My friend/acquaintance ratio is quite off balance and maybe getting by getting off of facebook I can figure out why I care so much, who will notice, and who will still talk to me even if we’re not “facebook friends” for a month.

I’ve decided to give up facebook for the month of November. I’ll be available via email and I still will receive text messages, but everything facebook is going away. I’m deleting my apps, turning off the notifications to my email, and taking facebook away from my favorites on my desktop. My profile will still stay active, but I won’t be on it.

I’m actually excited to see what will happen with the free time that I don’t waste on facebook in the evenings. I’m planning on reading some new books (mostly focused on social networking and facebook) because it still is a topic that very much interests me and it will be interesting what psychologists and researchers say about Facebook and how it is changing our way of life and how we interact with each other (also the fact that I think facebook is killing the High School Reunion). Maybe I’ll go to the gym more. Maybe I’ll pick up a new hobby. I’ll have so much more free time; I guess we’ll just see who wants to take advantage of that. Until December…

Times they are a changing...

2011-07-15T13:25:00.000-04:00

So many new things are happening I don’t know where to start! I moved out of my place with Leanne over the 4th of July weekend after 3.5 years. I couldn’t find anyone to help move, because of such a weird day. I had anticipated that, so I made sure I tried to get the majority of my things over to the new house by the time moving day rolled around so that the only thing we had left to move was furniture. My dad and I rented a U-haul truck and I got to drive it around town. I actually really enjoyed that!

My dad and I packed up the van, drove it to the new house, unpacked, filled it up with gas, and got it back to the U-haul dealership all within 4 hours. Pretty impressive I must say for just the two of us! Mom ended up coming over to the house to help clean my furniture and help put things together. I treated my parents to lunch at the Marina and it was a quite beautiful location and a very yummy late lunch. After that they left and I unpacked a little and put some things away. I also had Monday off because of the holiday so I ended up unpacking, settling in, getting the kitchen together and went to work 6-9:30. I feel like I settled into the house pretty well.

As I was growing up my father was in the Air Force so they moved every few years. My parents would buy houses as “fixer uppers” and get them finished right around the time that they would move again. I felt like this house was one of those. It’s a house built in the 1970’s and it is a Colonial type house. Jojo’s parents bought it and are looking to sell it sometime next year. They wanted us to live in it while they are fixing it up and have us pay minimal rent. We will be splitting utilities and all, but I will be saving a great amount of money. I’ll be saving about half in rent that I was paying and then in January my car will be paid off. I’m SO excited about that. This brings me to my next topic…

I’m leaving Harry and David after having a part time job for almost a year. I looked at my calendar today to see just when the last time I had a full weekend off without being out of town was… Early March. I had no clue it had been that long since I had a weekend to myself in town. I started thinking back to last year; where I was photography wise to where I am now, and I realized that something had to change. I hadn’t been out to take photographs since Easter, I was skipping craft shows because I am just so tired and burnt out, and I wasn’t looking at the world like I normally do. I just had this tired feeling constantly.

After some internal thinking and debating I realized that the best thing for me to do would be to get my life back. I really enjoyed my time at Harry and David and met some awesome people along the way. I needed the extra money and it DEFINIETLY helped me establish a small savings account, pay down my credit cards, and give me that extra boost to not be so worried about money. Everything happens for a reason.

Due to the fact that I now will have my life as my own again – I can’t tell you how excited I am to go different places and see different things. I am definitely getting a travel bug within myself and I can’t wait to use it. I turn 27 in a little less than a month and this will be my year of Road trips. Maybe I’ll take a train to NYC and visit my friend Rob and my cousin Donald, drive to NJ to see Atlantic City for the first time, drive down to NC or SC just to see places that I’ve never been. I also can’t wait for those lazy days laying by the pool in the morning and going to take photos somewhere around the area in the afternoon. I can’t wait to drive across the ferry and get lost in Surry/Smithfield, to go hiking around the state/national parks in the area, and just be with nature again. I went out yesterday and took pictures for the first time in months and I LOVED it. I hung out with a bug, and made friends with a Squirrel. I felt like a kid again – like my energy has been restored and I have a new lease on things. I can’t wait to see where this takes me!

Welcome to my life

2011-06-06T16:35:00.000-04:00

Well geez, I feel bad… The last time I REALLY blogged was back in September… I did post a blog in March; but that was more of a “This is how I’m feeling at the moment” than a “this is what my life has been” kind of blog. I think the reason that I haven’t blogged as much lately is because I just don’t have time. Usually my weeks are as follows:
Monday – 8:30 – 5 – Work at Colonial Williamsburg, go home, eat, work 6-9:30 at Harry and David, come home, sleep
Tuesday – 8:30 – 5 – Work at CW, go home, go to the gym, eat, Glee, Bed
Wednesday – 8:30 – 5 – Work at CW, go home, gym, eat, night to myself
Thursday - 8:30 – 5 – Work at CW, home, gym, eat, night with friends
Friday – 8:30 – 5 – Work at CW, home, eat, work 6 – 9:30 at Harry and David, come home, and sleep
Saturday – Craft show or Harry and David
Sunday – Craft show or Harry and David

And Repeat…

When I do blog it’s normally about Glee… but I’ve even been slacking with that towards the end of the season (sorry Amber!). I feel like I’m getting my life back slowly but surely however. I have five weddings this season – 3 within 4 weeks between May and June, I'm moving the first of July, and then 2 back to back in October. Even though 3 of the weddings are just on a Saturday; they are also in PA so I will be driving with my parents and taking long weekends those weekends. The other two weddings are here in town; so that’s awesome.

I took my first long weekend a few weekends ago when I went to NoVA. Stemming back from my “Bubble Blog”, I crossed another thing off my list “Driving to NoVA myself”. I must have had beginners luck because I didn’t have any traffic the entire time I was in Northern VA. I left here around 11:45am on Friday afternoon and I got to Tyson’s Corner mall around 2:15pm. I had a nice afternoon to myself. I walked around the mall, bought myself a few things, and treated myself to lunch. Around 5:30 I went to Jenny’s house and met her boyfriend Jake. He’s a nice guy. Jenny and I talked ALL night… honestly, we listened to music a little bit, and watched a movie the last hour of the night, but other than that it was catching up on the last four and a half years and reminiscing. In the morning we laid out in the sun, had a great breakfast and then I left to meet Alex in Vienna.

I hadn’t seen Alex since Henry’s wedding back at the end of 2009. I met his new girlfriend Sarah who is really nice, and we bonded over our love for Glee. It is their favorite sushi place in Northern VA. I’m still not yet big on sushi so I ended up having General Tso’s chicken. So good! After lunch I headed up 66 and went to visit Beth in Crystal City (why it’s called Crystal City I’m not really sure).

That was fun – we ended up getting to Beth’s place and sitting down just long enough to watch a half hour of Glee and then we went to the mall to get our nails done. I got my first pedicure that weekend! I also got something done called “Threading”. Basically women take a thread and pull the hair out by the follicle… weird I know, but it’s awesome and I would definitely do it again.

After we got our nails done we went back to Beth’s house just in time to change and then meet up with Matt, Jonathan and Nick for dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings right down the street from Beth’s appt. We ended up talking and hanging out in Beth’s place after dinner and had ice-cream and did more talking. Everyone left around midnight and we went to bed. We got up around 9:30 Sunday morning, went to brunch and I headed out around 12 to go to Charlottesville and have lunch with my brother. I loved taking a road trip by myself and stopping where I wanted to, and do whatever I wanted to do. It was very liberating.
It really is those true friends where you cannot see each other for so long and yet pick up like no time has passed. I felt very lucky over the weekend. Part of me doesn’t know why I waited so long to take this trip, but at the same time I feel like everything happens for a reason. I just know next time I won’t wait another 4 ½ years.

Introspection

2011-03-08T12:16:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been asked this question: What do you like most about yourself? I know, I know it sounds weird to answer if you’re not writing a college entrance essay on it and you’re afraid if you go into too much detail you come across as narcissistic, but lately I’ve been thinking about that question and I have found my answer “I like how I look at the world”. I am an eternal optimist in almost all aspects of my life. If something is bad - somehow it could always be worse and I look at what I am grateful for.

Gratitude plays a huge part in my life and I don’t think there is a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for something or someone in my life; no matter how small. I can hear my favorite song on the radio or see a bird in the sky I wasn’t expecting and I’m happy for the rest of the day thinking about that moment. In the big scheme of things it’s the little things that matter. I like the fact that I can be in a hard situation and see the positive in it (I may wallow in my own self pity for a little while but that passes relatively quickly). I look at something different and see beauty. I go against the grain. I don’t necessarily like or dislike something because other people say that’s what I should do. I’m 26 years old and the CDs in my car include Hanson, Spice Girls, and Hannah Montana. Guess what... I don’t care. If its music that makes me feel good and puts a smile on my face when I listen to it then that’s what I’ll listen to. If you don’t like it then you drive.

However, if I’m asked the question “what is your weakness?” My gut reaction would be to say that I care too much. When someone comes into my life I almost always embrace them with open arms and accept them for who they are. I’ve never met a stranger and I feel like everyone is good. I trust most people and do… until I’m given a reason not to. I put so much into relationships with friends, boyfriends, family, whomever; because that is just my nature. I don’t understand what it’s like to not feel a genuine attachment/care/love for the people close to you in your life.

I feel that many times in my life I’ve been treated badly by people and yet I give them a second chance or I forgive them too quickly. I don’t seem to pick up on the warning signs that I’m going to be blindsided one day, or if I do I don’t think anything of it because “oh I’m sure that was just a onetime thing”. People warn me, but I just say “You just don’t know that person, they’re really good on the inside they’re just misunderstood by others”. Then the big thing happens and at first I’m totally crushed – how could they do this to me? Why do I always get the shit end of the stick? (Pardon my French).

I go through my phase of denial/anger/frustration/numbness and then I realize that even though I see caring too much as a weakness; it is also one of my greatest strengths. It’s who I am to the core of my being. I was always the girl in school accepting the new kids, making sure the kid crying is feeling better, and that everyone works things out. I don’t know what it’s like not to feel when it comes to other people and I’m happy for that. I may get shafted and lose a few friends along the way, but I know that I’m making a difference in peoples’ lives by being there some way or another; whether they see that now or reflect later on in life. I’m glad I’m me and still see the world through my rose colored glasses.

Where does the Time Go?!

2010-11-08T10:59:00.000-05:00

Man it’s been a while – I feel like lately I’ve been starting every entry off like that… Let’s see… what has happened in my life in the last two months?? It has been so extremely busy that sometimes I feel like I don’t have time for myself, although I have a feeling this may be a long blog…

In the middle of September I started a second job at Harry and David. I worked there while I was in College and loved it. The ladies are all great and so nice to work with. No stupid drama that I had at the bank (that was probably the worst job experience to date). My roommate upped my rent a little bit and to the normal person they wouldn’t have batted an eye, but I started to panic. I realized that this wasn’t the normal reaction and felt I had to do something about it, so I went to the Prime Outlets. If you go to the information desk they can give you an entire sheet of places that are hiring for part time, full time, seasonal – whatever. With that many places hiring I’m surprised that so many people don’t have jobs… but that’s another blog topic for another day. I was scanning the list and found Harry and David – I figured I already had a foot in the door, so why not. I applied and got the job.

A lot of the stuff is coming back to me naturally because things haven’t changed that much. I requested about 10-15 hours a week as to not stress myself out and still have time to do what I want to. They said they were happy to work around my photography schedule so that was awesome too! We recently switched management and my hours have gone up. I had 24 hours last week alone!! I know the pay check is going to be amazing, but sometimes I just feel like I need a break. We refilled out the information regarding how much we could work and I again stated 10-15 hours a week and no Tuesday nights… I have to watch Glee for the Daily Press.

Another reason I probably haven’t been writing lately is that I’ve been sinking my creative teeth in to another endeavor I’m really excited about. A few months ago an editor for the Daily Press online stuff contacted me (I had met her before at a photography walk about a year ago). She noticed how I put a lot of pop culture references on my facebook status’s and that she was thinking about starting an online pop culture blog run by the daily press. She wanted to know if I would be interested in being a contributing writer. HELL YES!

I was SO excited to be given this opportunity. I always looked at the people at Entertainment Weekly and thought how cool it would be to have their jobs. They follow pop culture- watch TV and write about it with witty dialog and entertaining ideas. Granted this doesn’t pay – it’s just volunteer but I’m so excited about it. I will have to start posting on here when I update the Daily Pop with my articles. I usually write about Glee so that gets posted on Wednesday mornings, or I just write about the latest celebrity gossip that interests me on TMZ.

An Occasion for the Arts was at the beginning of October. I had SO much fun. I’m bummed out that it rained, but I made more than I had made at any craft show before and so many people stopped by to encourage me and support me. I really did feel loved! Leanne helped me that day and boy was that a help! Man oh man I couldn’t have done it myself. I was just so excited to be at “An Occasion for the Arts” that I didn’t care if it rained. I was positioned by the bathroom and the food. Everyone needs those two things so I think we got a pretty good turnout. Thank you to everyone who stopped by despite the rain. That meant more to me than you will know!

When I’m not working I’m hanging out with friends and vegging at home most likely. I haven’t gone out much because I’ve been so tired and with the exception of Leanne, Tricia, Jojo, and Jeff; I’ve become pretty anti-social (well… for me). I haven’t been to parties, gone out to the Green Leafe, or really hung out with bigger groups of friends. The funny thing is that I’m ok with that. I feel like my ME time is so valuable lately that I do what I want to do. I don’t have a hard time saying no to social engagements anymore and to me that’s pretty cool. Maybe that’s what this phase of my life was supposed to teach me because before; I know that was an issue.

I’ve decided that I also really need to start working out again. I haven’t been to the YMCA in about two months. Since my second job started I have just been so tired at night that all I want to do is sit, eat and veg out in the comfort of my own home. Because of this I don’t feel as confident with my body and I just feel blah… I feel like I may have more energy for the next day if I work out the night before. I know that sounds weird, but I’ve noticed that’s how I work.

I printed out the Group Exercise Schedule for the gym and highlighted the classes that work into my schedule, and I’ve brought a bag with workout clothes to work. I’m hoping that if I just leave right from work then I will be more motivated to work out - I need to look at it like a class I can’t skip because I’m paying for it. I’ve come up with a schedule in my head that may work for me because I like a variety of things to do at the gym so I don’t get bored. This week I’m going to ease myself back into it – I don’t want to over-do it so quickly but here is what I’m thinking of.

Monday: Group Cycling or Circuit Training depending on how I feel

Tuesday: Zumba Basic

Wednesday: Group Cycling

Thursday: Zumba

Friday: Abs/Cardio Blast

Of course I will work this around my work schedule, but I really need to stick to this plan. I also need to start eating for myself better. I’ve been such a slacker lately eating almost no raw vegetables and having turkey sandwiches and cereal for dinner. I will be continuing my personal blog about fitness and wellness if anyone wants to read that let me know, as I have to add you to that.

All in all life is good. I really can’t complain about my life. Although I do have days where I get a little down in the dumps because I’m so tired; but those only last a short time and then I stop and think that a lot of people have it a lot worse than I do. Everyone you meet is going through something, and I’m glad that I have the people in my life I surround myself with on a daily basis!

It's Been Long Enough

2010-09-02T15:36:00.000-04:00

I guess I should probably update my blog huh… considering it has been about two and a half months since I blogged last. I have a feeling I will be blogging more here lately as more and more changes are going to be happening in my life and that tends to be the trend when it comes to my writing.

Work was crazy busy as it normally is in the summer time. Our staff grows from about six to over twenty including interns and interpreters when the summer starts, and it doesn’t let up till after August. Luckily everything is slowing down, so that I can breathe at work again and I don’t have 7 people pulling me in 50 different directions. I do enjoy the busyness though, it makes the work days fly by and I feel like I’m being challenged. I have a list of things to help my work flow more smoothly next year; now that we have the new online registration figured out better. Now my work consists more of entering data each day and working with the numbers for the summer. We had over 400 teachers come through this year and that does not include the on and off site conferences that we do as well throughout the summer schedule. They are making everyone read “Who Moved My Cheese” so hopefully I will enjoy that book here shortly. It just hasn’t gotten to me yet. We’re going to be going to some team building and development classes, which I am really excited about. That’s right up my alley. Anything to learn more and look deeper into myself I love!

I am having an amazing summer. I’ve been constantly surrounded with friends and family. I have been very social and LOVING it. I love that I have still made time for my girls while having a boyfriend. That was one of my worries going into everything, hoping that I didn’t lose sight of what I had in front of me before someone else amazing came into my life. Luckily I stuck to my word and I still have my girly time and movie nights away. I think that is very important. I feel like you need independence in a relationship to grow together. I don’t understand when girls say that they can’t do something because it wouldn’t include their boyfriend/significant other… just do it. Tell him that you need time to yourself with your girl friends. I think that makes everyone happier in the long run, and you don’t get tired of each other. If you want to do something and can’t stand up to the man to say it, that’s a problem right there. He may be a close second but you’re still number one.

Kirk and I are doing really well, we are hitting our seven month anniversary tomorrow – unfortunately he is going to be leaving in just under two weeks… We have talked about it and realized that right now the best thing to do is to end it here in Williamsburg when he leaves for New Jersey because he will be setting up his new life in NJ and I will be hitting the ground running with work and photography. I understand that and I think in the end this will be the best decision for us. I am glad we had the conversation, because for a while there it was a bit in limbo. Talking things out helped us get on the same page,so that there was no question of what was happening and it gave me time to analyze and work out the situation internally. I think I still may be in a bit of denial because he hasn’t actually left yet, but I know he will be a friend for the rest of my life and I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. He really has shaped me these past seven months, and I have grown in ways I didn’t even know possible. I guess you could say he was my “Bubble Boyfriend”.

The family went to the beach again this year. It was definitely a smaller crowd. It was only my Dad, us, my uncle and his family, and my Gran. I think at the peak there were 12 people there, so technically over half of our family was missing. It was such a laid back week, I feel like it went by a lot faster for some reason. We didn’t do as many activities this year either, which was weird. I got to meet some new cousins that will be joining our family after they get married in June and October. Our family is growing more and more!

Things with photography are going amazingly well. Craft shows have been a little slow this season, but at the same time I have been getting things together for An Occasion for the Arts. I have booth number D16 and I will be next to Kay Krapfl. What a small world! Maybe they did that because they thought we were related. I am getting things slowly but surely together for this. I am contacting the graphics place for a banner; I already have some things done for the back of the tent and I am working on doing more cards, matted, and framed photos as well. I have 15 framed photos right now, but I think I may need more. My work has been hanging in Aromas for the past month, down in Newport News as well. I’m not sure if I have sold anything there yet, but I will contact Aromas soon to see! The local paper is featuring me on Sunday as well! I will be featured in the Good Life section on the front page and it will jump to the next page. I read over it and it seems pretty cool. There are days where I wonder why me – because I Think of all the other photographers in the area who are so much better than me, but then I think of people who think I’m better than them and it puts it into perspective.

I really am grateful for the life that I have. Some days I wonder why I have been so lucky and when that luck is going to run out, but at the same time I think some of that has to do with my unique view of the world. Maybe there is some kind of truth to Karma and because I give positivity out I get it back… whatever it may be I am never going to take it for granted!

This is just the beginning

2010-06-15T19:21:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone! I'm sorry it has been such a long time since I updated my blog... Everything seems to be happening lately. I've been so busy with work, craft shows, hanging out with friends and Kirk that time just flies by.

A couple posts ago I wrote about An Occasion for the Arts - one of the more prestigious craft shows in this area. It is a juried show and its one of the biggest art festivals in williamsburg and the surrounding areas. Over 30,000 people came through last year and guess what... I GOT IN!!! I got the letter this afternoon and really didn't think I got in. I got the letter and it was my own self addressed stamped envelope. Leanne was there to watch me open it and I was NOT expecting it to be a confirmation letter but it was!! This really is a changing point for me personally and professionally. I was just talking last night about how I want something that people take me serious with. This is it! I went online and got some books from the library regarding digital photography and different things on the subject.

I have so many ideas about what I want my booth to look like. I've made some improvements over the last couple of weeks. I got a new table cloth, framed a few pictures, started making boxed sets, and set things up a bit differently. I had two craft shows this weekend and they both went well. On Saturday I went to the Yorktown Riverwalk, which was good. Sold a few things there. Saturday evening my mom and I went to the Pottery and stocked up on frames so that I can look a bit more professional. Apparently it worked... I had a show on Sunday and my booth gained a lot of attention.

new booth set up

I had the owner of Aroma's ask me if I had thought about showing my work in his business. I also had a local realtor ask me if she could use my pictures on her websites/blog to entice people to come to the Williamsburg area. I really am excited in the direction that everything is going. I feel like everything is falling into place and I can't wait to see where it takes me. Thanks again for everyone's support and I will update this more regularly!!

Hmm....

2010-05-04T16:47:00.003-04:00

So I’ve been feeling a bit restless lately. Not sure why, but for some reason I’m itching to get out of the Williamsburg area. I will have graduated from college four years ago in December and I’m ready to see somewhere new. My whole life (for the most part) has been spent here in Williamsburg. I remember bits and pieces of different places in New York and Hampton, but what I know is here. I just have this feeling to go. Start looking around, saving up my money so I can just take off one day. Maybe I’ll find some place I can’t believe I waited till now to find, or maybe I will want to come home, but I feel like I need to spend some time outside of what I know; for me to figure out what I want.

When I moved back here after college I knew for sure this is where I wanted to settle down and raise a family one day, but the more I stay here the more I don’t know. I’m a little annoyed at the direction that the growth is headed here in Williamsburg. Everything seems to be catered to older people and they don’t seem to realize that there are younger working class people who need places to live too. If I see one more thing in the paper about another 55+ neighborhood being built I may scream. Ageism is pretty bad here in Williamsburg; whether it is the older people annoyed at the college kids making too much noise or the younger generation annoyed at the older folks for acting like we don’t exist.

I feel like I need to move somewhere where my creative side is nurtured more. Maybe my photography would thrive more, or I could meet more creative types and take more classes. Charlottesville has been peaking my curiosity lately. There seem to be craft shows and different arts festivals all over the place there. I feel like people value the arts more so they are more willing to buy things also.

Maybe when I go on my long weekend to the Outer Banks; I will get over this need to get out, but maybe not. It could just make that feeling grow even more. As you can tell there are a lot of what if’s in this blog, but it’s more of a continual thought than an actual cohesive statement. We’ll see where this takes me….

Slacking!

2010-04-21T10:39:00.001-04:00

Well, don’t I just feel like the biggest slacker ever?! I checked my blog and my last update was March 29th, almost a MONTH ago! Everything has been so busy with work; photography shows popping up and time with the boyfriend and friends that I’ve just not had as much time to write. I haven’t been doing my bubble blog as I should have either. I feel like I’m doing things all the time that are outside my comfort bubble and things that I am completely new to me because I’m now in a relationship for the first time, but at the same time I’m not sure if everything is bubble blog worthy.

I’ve decided to get a lot more serious when it comes to photography. I applied for one of the biggest shows in Williamsburg – An Occasion for the Arts! I will know whether I got in or not starting on June 15th. They had twenty bucks and three photos, which I had to choose that, represented my work the best and that’s all they have to make their decision as to whether I get in. I really hope that I chose the correct pictures.

Honorable Mention in State wide Photography Constest

Cute Squirrel

My "recognizable" picture

If I get into this show, I will feel at a whole new level with my photography and at the same time almost all of my profit from my business this year will be going into setting up and getting ready for this show. I need to get out there and see if any local businesses would like local photography in their shops on consignment. I have faith in myself that I can do it, but at the same time there may be a lot that I don’t know. I am ready to take the plunge though, which is why I applied in the first place. It was on my New Year’s resolution list to at least apply for Occasion for the Arts.

This is the reason I feel like I need to get serious. I know people will be asking me what F-stop, shutter speed, pixels, and format the pictures were taken in and I need to sound like I know what I am talking about. Granted I do know, but at the same time I tend to have a hard time verbalizing myself and sounding confident. I just need to learn and verse myself a bit more when it comes to this. I started reading a photography book that I got when I took a class and that has been nice to recap what I have learned.

Tulip garden

Bird

playing with depth of field

I have also been out taking pictures more lately than I had in the past. Because the weather is so much nicer I think it’s giving me more motivation. I went out and took pictures around Kingsmill this weekend and then last weekend I just took pictures around the county. Oh! Speaking of the county, I had one of my photographs chosen to be in the James City County Parks and Recreation Brochure for summer of 2010! I contacted the county because I saw that they had an opening for a volunteer Photographer. I spoke with the woman in charge and it seems like its right up my alley.

Picture chosen to be in Parks and Rec Brochure

I love the lines

I will be taking picture of events and special goings on for brochures and publications, as well as landscape shots for framed pictures around the parks in town – I do that already! I’m very excited to get started on these projects and things are looking up! I’ll try to be better with my “bubble blog” and update you guys more on my life!

"It's Like Riding a Bike"

2010-03-29T10:30:00.000-04:00

I did a couple new things this week… which I look at as making up for last week not doing anything. They were little, small things – but I either had never done them before or hadn’t done them in SO long I was afraid I would have forgotten by now. Again, however I was filled with a sense of accomplishment both times and that feeling can get addicting.

Kirk and I went out to dinner this week. He had some gift cards that he had gotten from recommending people to the gym, so we ended up going to Chili’s for dinner (oh how I love those Southwestern Egg Rolls). As we were leaving we decided that I would drive. We pulled up to the restaurant and I missed the parking spot I was going for, so I was backing up to pull into it again. Kirk suggested that I back into it. I was a bit intimidated because I’ve never backed into a parking spot before – let alone when there were cars on either side. I thought about it and then figured I would do it – not wanting to look like a whimp. I backed into the parking spot like I had been doing it forever. I surprised myself and I think I surprised Kirk a little bit too, after saying I had never done it before. That was a nice sense of accomplishment that hung with me through dinner.

Sunday, I went bike riding for the first time since I moved to Toano. When we moved here, my parents moved to a rural area where there was really no place to ride bikes. Our driveway wasn’t long enough and the road wasn’t widened at the time, so there was no bike path on a little rural country road. Because of this, it was a bit pointless.

Once we sold my bike (which looks like the picture above - pom poms and everthing!) I just never really biked again – my friends and I walked around neighborhoods a lot growing up, but then we started driving cars and never really thought about it. Radford is such a small campus that people didn’t really need to bike to get places since you could walk, so there wasn’t ever a massive biking community at college.

Yesterday was just SO pretty that we didn’t want to sit inside and do nothing. Kirk has been pretty into biking for a while, and is actually going to be taking a bike trip in May on the East Coast. Luckily he lives in a pretty nice sized neighborhood and both his mom and sister have bikes, so I borrowed one. I was a bit unsteady at first – not really sure if I would remember how to do this since it had been about fifteen years since I had been on one, but I guess its like what people say “It’s like riding a bike, once you learn you never forget”.

Once I got steadier on my feet I was able to go faster and not feel too far behind. I think we went out for a good hour and a half, but just went 2.2 miles around his neighborhood for fun because I was still getting my feet wet. I got a nice lesson on how gears work, and I got to test it out on this one massive hill that they have in their neighborhood. Of course he went flying by me on the way down, but I still felt like I was getting a good amount of speed and holding my own for the first time back. Biking is a really good workout too. My legs hurt from yesterday. Tricia has a hybrid bike she said I may be able to use, which I think would be a lot of fun. I can get practice riding through New Town before I go out on any major roads. I also need to get myself a helmet as well. I’m sure as you all know I’m quite the safety gal, so I may have to pick myself up a helmet here shortly.

I forgot really how much fun biking is – this may be the start of a new found hobby – we shall see!

Non-Bubble Busting Week

2010-03-23T10:55:00.000-04:00

I’m so sorry to be behind in this blog process this week and I that I haven’t updated earlier. It’s been a busy few days and unfortunately this week I didn’t really do anything that was too far outside of my comfort zone. I think I need to push myself more or come up with more ideas. I did however have a day to myself and then went to see Wicked at the Landmark Theater in Richmond on Sunday.

My weekend was fantastic. I got up early on Saturday morning and made myself an egg and cheese bagel with ketchup – one of my favorite breakfasts EVER. I went to go get a haircut, where I had a new hair stylist, but I trusted her and let her give me a trim. From there I went to Farm Fresh and got myself some food. For the first time I got more fresh ingredients than frozen things to work/cook with. Kirk is making me want to be a better cook! I got cube steaks, ground beef and chicken breasts for different meals through the week or two that I can make. That will be another blog to write about!

After the grocery store I spent the rest of the day doing laundry, cleaning my room and switching out my wardrobe from winter to summer. I went through my clothes and anything I haven’t really worn for a while I got rid of. I have a pile of clothes and shoes sitting in my room to be donated to the Salvation Army. However, even though I got rid of clothes I still ran out of hangers – what is up with that?? Maybe that is a sign that I need to get rid of more clothes… that wasn’t exactly going out of my comfort zone, but I do have a hard time getting rid of things because everything has a memory to me in a way I guess…

Saturday night one of the guys at work was having a belated St. Patty’s day party, so Kirk and I went to that, mingled a bit and he got to meet some of my co-workers. That was pretty fun! I used to be very much against my worlds colliding when it comes to my work and personal life. In high school and after college I wouldn’t like it if my friends just dropped by my work unannounced and I would get very uncomfortable. I think that was because at the time I couldn’t really be myself at work. That all changed when I worked here. I haven’t felt this much like myself at a job ever. I love it.

They had a fire pit in the backyard that I was just enamored by. You put fire in front of me and I will just sit there mesmerized. One of those things I can get lost in without realizing it. We were there for a couple hours and then we went home and watched “My Cousin Vinny”. I had never seen that movie and I had no preconceived notions of what it was supposed to be or not. I ended up LOVING it – courtroom movies are one of my very favorite movies to watch so I was pleasantly surprised.

I got up Sunday morning around 9 and called my parents. We were spending the day in Richmond, so they wanted me to come over early and have breakfast. I got there around 10:30; we had waffles and ham and then we just vegged for a little bit before our trip to Richmond. We got to Richmond, found a parking space and waited for the show to start. Dad had gotten tickets for us for Christmas, we were in the lower level towards the back, but it was a good view still. I LOVED THAT PLAY! I think if I could have one talent that I don’t have it would be able to sing. The way that the ladies sang just resonated with me long after the song was over. What power they have! I highly enjoyed my afternoon at the theater. We drove home and grabbed dinner at the Mill Creek Inn – which is a golf course about five minutes from our house. The food was fantastic and SO yummy.

After dinner we came home and watched a new program on the Discovery Channel called “Life” narrated by Oprah. I watched that for a couple hours and then went to bed. I had one of those busy, yet stress free weekends and I wouldn’t have changed it for anything. Sometimes you just need “me” days to get reacquainted with yourself. I promise I will have more of a “bubble popping” week this week! My blog got 60 views in the last week alone! ! Thanks for reading everyone!

Work can be Wonderful

2010-03-14T20:04:00.001-04:00

This week’s blog is more of a two parter, focusing on both my full time job and on my photography. I did new things in both those aspects, both of which were outside my comfort zone. I work in the PPLV department of Colonial Williamsburg – this is the Publications, Productions, and Learning Ventures area. We do many different things, from new online educational tools for teachers and students, to hosting on and offsite programs for teachers to immerse themselves in history; while working with other teachers to bring back better ideas to their classroom. Keeping history alive and relevant in today’s classroom is a big push we have here at work. www.history.org/teach (if you’re interested in learning more).

Once a month we produce an Electronic Field Trip (EFT) here in the studio. This is a live national television broadcast, which local PBS Stations pick up and air. It airs twice during the day – once at 10am and then once at 1pm for the West Coast classrooms. This is my favorite week of the month. Everyone comes together in the department for one goal; we have volunteers coming in to answer questions for the kids and all in all it is a very positive experience. Usually I work upstairs in the upstairs phone room helping Jodi (my boss) manage that. During the broadcast we have live segments of the program where kids can call in with their questions and possibly get on the air. Those that don’t make it to the air get filtered upstairs where we have a set of anywhere between twenty seven to thirty four volunteers answering questions, along with four experts in the room just in case someone gets a tough question.

Volunteer Phone Room

This week however, I was in the downstairs phone room, which is where we decide what questions make it on the air or not. This made me really nervous. I know that history isn’t my strong suit and a lot of times the kids on air ask questions that I have no idea what the answer to it is. The idea that I would be the person telling them what went on the air or not made my quite uneasy. I was a wreck inside before the first show, but we did a few practice rounds and when the calls started coming in, it was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. You can pretty much tell which questions would be appropriate on TV and what questions just go upstairs. After the first broadcast I was pretty excited about it. Talking to the kids, and hearing how excited and eager to learn they were was just great. They are cross training a few people at work to be able to work both in the upstairs phone room as well as the downstairs one, so it will be changing monthly. I had a great time and overcame an anxiety I had in that area this week!

Downstairs Phone Room

I had my first photography show this weekend – it was pretty slow sales wise – I sold about six cards in eight hours… not that good. However, I was surrounded by people and I can people watch forever – it never ceases to keep my attention. I’m ready for more shows this season! Today I went and did a photo shoot of sorts for my friends.

Adam, Kelly, Lovell and Kevin

They are an improvisation group that is having a show at the Kimball Theater in a few months and they needed promotional photography done for fliers and the playbill and things like that. The topic is about the Last Word in our local paper. It's an anonymous section where people can write in about topics and many of the opinions are just hilarious in so many ways. That's why they went with the theme of dressing like old school paper boys/girl (which I totally LOVE). I was a little surprised that they asked me actually because normally my focus is on nature scenes, but I was happy to do it. I met them at their place at 1:30 and we went to a spot on campus and played around with different ideas that people had.

CATCH!

After a while I noticed I was open with my ideas and thoughts that would work with the situation. I was directing them around, a bit more and I surprised myself and I loved it. It was my first photo shoot that may be used for public consumption and that’s exciting! A few of the pictures are below! Whenever I get over something I’ve been worried about or anxious about for any length of time, I feel so accomplished, like I want to do something else… I am applying for a bigger show this year but I am keeping it on the down low a little more till I hear anything about it – I will let you know what happens with that! Until next week…

Belly Dancing is Beautiful!

2010-03-08T11:48:00.000-05:00

Another thing that was on my bubble list to complete this year was to go to a belly dancing class. The last year or so I’ve been very curious and thought it would be a lot of fun. This week I did just that! Kacie and I signed up for Belly Dancing lessons through WALT – the Williamsburg Area Learning Tree – they have different classes during the year that you can take and learn random things from belly dancing to jelly making to cheese appreciation. Quite eclectic I must say. I had not heard anything from the WALT People regarding the class so I figured I would call a couple days before the class. It’s a good thing I did! I called and they had put me on a waiting list (um thanks for letting me know). I spoke with the woman saying that I wanted to take this class with a friend and she said she would see what she could do. The next day I got a call from the belly dancing instructor saying to go ahead and come to the class and they would have room.

Kacie and I met up at her house and drove there together. We walked into the Yoga studio where the belly dancing is being taught and took a seat. They basically threw us into a class that was already in progress. This was a six week class and they put us in during week five. So half the class had been here for a while and the other half was brand new beginners. They were working on a dance routine for the last four weeks and we learned it that day. The first two weeks of the month long class will be at the end of this one and then the last two weeks will be the introduction to the next class that they are having. I think all in all it was a bit discombobulated on that aspect, but the class itself was fun.

Kacie and I were by far the youngest in there. We did a few stretching exercises and then we got into learning the dance. I am a watch and then do kind of learner so I felt like I was stumbling around everywhere not sure what to do next; where as Kacie just threw herself into it and wow did she do a good job! The other ladies there complimented her and she looked like she had been doing it for a while, when in fact it was her first time. I wish dancing came that naturally to me because I love it so much. I am realizing that more and more as I take more dance inspired classes – part of me wonders where I would be if I hadn’t quit ballet when I was a kid. We learned the different basic moves in Belly Dancing – the figure 8, the Egyptian, and different other moves I can’t remember the name of.

I think the other reason that I liked that class was I felt very womanly. Moving my hips and going with the beat I just felt very sexy after the class was over. I’m very appreciative of my body, what it does and how it makes me feel. I’m excited for the next three weeks of this class and what more I can learn. When I get more of a disposable income I will definitely have to add dance classes to my schedule, but for the meantime I’ll stick to this 4 week class and Zumba at the gym! Until next week...

Birthday Bash!

2010-03-01T10:16:00.000-05:00

I admit that I’ve been slacking lately… – I was going to write about going to Richmond and partying it up in the big city, but we changed plans that evening so Richmond didn’t happen… therefore I have no real “bubble” topic this week as planned. However, I did have one of the most fun weekends I have had in a LONG time and went outside my comfort bubble many in other ways.

Kacie turned 27 on Saturday. She has become my closest friend here in Williamsburg and I couldn’t be more thankful (for so many reasons). Her friends from school came up on Friday evening. Leanne and I were hanging out at home when I got a call to see if they could use our bathroom and that’s where I met Laura, K and Heather. All amazing girls, SO nice and full of life! Friday night I ended up going over to Kacies’ place to hang with the girls a little and spend time with Kirk. We watched “While You Were Sleeping” a movie that I had yet to see. You really can’t go wrong with Sandra Bullock. Saturday morning we got up and had a leisurely breakfast/get ready time and we went to the Williamsburg Salt Spa.

*not my picture*

The Williamsburg Salt Spa is the only spa of its kind on the East Coast. You go into this room that is made of 15 tons of salt, all imported from around the world from places like Poland, Pakistan, Dead Sea, and Klodawa. You walk into the “cave” and there is salt on the floor, on the walls, coming through waterfalls around the room and it is so peaceful. There is quiet music playing and the lights are dimmed. You sit in recliners with blankets and just relax and let the salt do its natural thing. We had a group of 6 of us that were there and it was one of those days where we couldn’t be quiet.

Kacie was in the chair next to me and we were whispering a bit. I was lying in the chair looking up at the ceiling at one point just so thankful for my life and I looked over at Kacie and she was doing the same thing, but she was crying a bit. I asked her what was wrong and she was just overwhelmed with happiness… I’m a social crier. If someone around me is crying, then most likely I will too. I started crying a bit, but these were all tears of happiness. I haven’t been this happy since my junior year of college; which I considered the happiest time of my life. We meditated for a bit and then before we knew it the 45 minutes were up. We all ended up going to Ukrop’s for lunch and then I had to break away from the crowd.

I went to see Kathy Mattea Saturday night at the Williamsburg Lodge. I grew up on Kathy Mattea while we drove to PA to visit family for Easter and Thanksgiving. Her most famous song is “Where Have You Been”. That song makes me cry every time because it reminds me of my Grandparents. She sang this song at the concert and wow the tears started flowing. The concert was amazing – it’s really hard these days for the artist to sound exactly like she does on the CD – and she does! I was blown away with the purity of her voice and it really is a gift to be able to sing like that.

After the concert I went back to Kacies house for an amazing Lasagna dinner that her mother prepared. She made two different lasagnas for the group – one meat and one veggie – Italian sausage, Texas toast, salad and we had an amazing cake afterwards that Laura made – it was a chocolate Guinness fondant cake. AHHHMAZING! None of us had gotten much sleep the night before and with being at the Salt Spa I think everyone was just a little more tired than they had planned. We started thinking about logistics of Richmond, realizing that it would be an hour there, parking, going to the club, clubbing, and then driving an hour home. Kacie made the executive decision to keep it local.

We ended up going to the Green Leafe – our local spot. Apparently there was a massive fight between some people at the Green Leafe and people at the Short Stop (bar across the street) where two guys had to be airlifted to a hospital. Because of this the DJ was not there. What a bummer!! That didn’t defeat our spirit though. We immediately bought Kacie birthday shots and started our own dance party. Our entire table was the only people dancing in the bar, but we didn’t care – that’s how we roll. I’m sure we’ve been labeled as “those girls that always dance at the Leafe” or something like that, but I don’t care at this point. We danced for a couple of hours – people coming up to us saying that we looked like we were having SO much fun, and that they wanted to dance with us so we made some friends!

After the bar we trekked over to my house to play some Rockband for about an hour. No birthday is complete without Rockband!! A couple of the girls had never played before so we had to introduce them to it for sure. Videos and pictures are up on facebook! We ended up heading home around 2am – I went upstairs and went to bed – I was SO tired, Kacie ended up hanging out with the girls and drinking more. I heard her come in around 3 something and then I fell back to sleep. We all woke up later Sunday morning, had a good breakfast of Cinnabuns and Orange Juice, said our goodbyes, and then headed home. I had such an awesomely fun weekend – went outside my comfort zone quite a few times and overall couldn’t ask for better friends and people I surround myself with. I truly am in an amazing place in my life and couldn’t ask for much more!

Double date = Double the fun!

2010-02-22T12:01:00.001-05:00

So it has been another bubble breaker week that wasn’t on my original list. I went on my first official double date! That was outside of my comfort bubble because; A.) I have never been on a double date and B.) It was with my best friend and her brother. I love my brother, but I don’t think we have that kind of relationship where we would hang out with our dates. Granted, the opportunity has never come up so you never know.

Friday night Kirk and I went on a double date with Kacie and one of Kirk’s friends Travis. We ended up going to the Mexican restaurant in Williamsburg Crossing – Pancho Villa – pretty good – not the best, but not bad. The four of us were cracking me up during dinner – the conversations and topics we were delving into were just so random and funny. It was a good vibe by all. There was never any awkward tension or anything. We all went to the same High school growing up (for the most part), so that also helped form the common bond.

We ended up going back to Travis’s place to play Rock Band for the rest of the evening. The amount of songs that he has downloaded is awesome! There were songs from any artist you could imagine and we all had a blast. We were all laughing and rocking out. Quality time with friends is such an awesome feeling. I love getting to know people on a different level. I hadn’t found that in a while in Williamsburg other than the last year or so. For the first time in my life I’m not overanalyzing things and I am not even realizing it. I love it!

Next week is Kacie's birthday so I'll be going to a club up in Richmond - not a fan of cities, so this will be outside the comfort bubble! I'll be excited to give you an update!!

Veered a bit off Track...

2010-02-15T13:06:00.001-05:00

Hey Everyone –

I was planning on writing about doing work with my Photography business this week, which I did… a little. I didn’t go to different stores around the Williamsburg area to sell my stuff, but I did make a list of where I could go when I did. I applied to a few different shows this summer and I’m applying to a big one today. I had to go to Target and print out photos of my work and my booth, which I luckily had taken pictures of. I’m really hoping that I get a spot at the Daffodil Festival in Gloucester this year. That would be such an awesome venue for me to start expanding to larger places. I’m looking to venture outside of the neighborhood shows this year.

I decided to focus on another topic for my bubble list. The Romance Bubble (since its Valentine's Day week and everything)

I’ve noticed more and more that I’ve learned to stop caring what people think to the extent that I used to. I’m not saying that I’m 100% not caring what people think; I had a little bit of an insecurity setback on Saturday night, but I really have gotten a lot more comfortable being me lately. I don’t apologize for being myself anymore and I’m really happy with who I am turning out to be, as a woman at twenty five. I think this has helped me be more open to relationships and the dating realm of life, where I was petrified in the past.

When I was insecure with myself I was SO nervous on dates – I would have mini anxiety attacks before I went out with a guy. My mind would spin before a date with random questions like – “am I going to make a mistake, what if he doesn’t like me, what if he’s judging me the whole time, I don’t want to look stupid”… my heart would race, I would get dizzy, sweaty palms and on really bad days, I would literally make myself sick… I realize now that that was just wasted energy. There was a really cute quote from Glee that I identify with and absolutely love where Mr. Schuster is talking to Rachel (the head of the Glee Club):

"I know it’s not always easy for you Rachel... and I know that there are some things about yourself that you think you'd like to change, but you should know that there's some boy out there who's going to like you for everything that you are... including those parts of you that even you don't like - those are going to be the things he likes the most”.

I understand what he means now. You can’t attract someone new if you’re not comfortable in your own skin and you’re afraid to be who you are. If you can’t show someone who you are - your attributes as well as flaws, then things will be more difficult in the long run. I think my biggest comfort bubble hurtle this week was to follow my gut, and take a chance on a feeling I may have ignored in the past because of my insecurities… I did take that chance and so far it has paid off! I know I'm being cryptic - but isn't it more fun this way?!

Week 4 - Conquered a Fear!

2010-02-07T16:18:00.000-05:00

I was slacking on the blog front this week – I think this is the first time I haven’t blogged more than once in the week. We’ve had an interesting weather pattern here lately. It has snowed the last two weekends in a row and that almost NEVER happens here. We’re getting more snow than my family up in Pennsylvania this year. Last weekend I was sick and I didn’t venture out at all. Monday I called in sick to work because I just was not feeling well and needed a day to recuperate from whatever it was that I had. Friday, it started snowing again and then proceeded to change into heavy wind and rain for Friday night. Saturday morning however it changed to all snow and we got a good 4-5 inches here in Williamsburg.

I was in a bit of a negative mood – various things were on my mind, stressing me out, and I was just having a pity party in my room by myself. I was talking to my mom for a bit and she suggested that I go out and DO something, rather than sitting and not being productive. I realized that I had not had an idea for what to do this week yet. I decided to go out and practice driving in the snow! I’ve always had a bit of a fear regarding this because of the onetime my friend and I drove in the snow.

My friend Jenna and I had gotten out of school early one day because of the weather. We were seniors at the time and she had the transportation. Instead of taking the bus (what senior wants to do that) I decided to get a ride home from Jenna because she lived just down the street from me. The road was a bit treacherous at the time and we were behind a school bus. We figured that this was a safe plan because it wasn’t going very fast. It turned into another lane and sprayed some slush out from beneath it when it turned. Jenna only had 2 wheel drive in her truck at the time so we hit that patch and immediately spun out. I just remember spinning – it felt like we did a 360 and ended up in the ditch on the right hand side of the road. We were lucky because the other side was the drop off to the wooded area of Seasons Trace.

Ever since then, I have been a bit scared of driving in the snow because of all the horror stories that you hear. I wanted to overcome a fear of mine so I decided to practice on the back streets of New Town yesterday. I went around the neighborhood for a good 10-15 minutes and nothing happened. I was almost annoyed that I DIDN’T spin out or lose control because now I still don’t know how it is, but I did get some practice in. I went up to 25 miles per hour and then would slam on the breaks but still – no spinning out – I was even the first car on a lot of the roads, but no such luck. It’s so funny how things change – I’ve always been petrified to spin out and now I was wishing for it.

I felt quite accomplished after I finished that yesterday and today I have been pretty much secluded in my room working on my photography business. I’m organizing all my receipts from this year for Tax information and I have a meeting set up with another guy in town who owns his own business. I wanted to pick his brain a bit. I need to market myself a bit better – and be more comfortable going into stores asking them to carry my cards. Because I’m still not as confident as I need to be; that part of the job is the hardest. I also am looking into getting a website for my business. I would love to be able to reach more people than just in the Williamsburg area. I have a feeling my business will pick up a lot more once I get a website up and running. The possibilities are endless and my mind is spinning with different things that I can do!

I went a week with no Texting - and SURVIVED!

2010-01-31T13:14:00.001-05:00

Well I finished yet another week of my Bubble project. This week was a full week with NO TEXTING. I actually didn't mind it so much. The first couple days were hard, but my friends were nice and didn't tempt me and I actually got used to it by the end of the week. I actually liked the break from not being next to my phone 24/7, afraid I'm going to miss something. My roommate told me once that I was one of the most connected people she's ever seen. Always had to be on facebook, twitter, cell phone or some type of technology that connects me with people. I guess that's true - I don't like to feel like I've missed something - especially when it comes to being social. Its my passion!

I've had a very nice weekend of NOT being social however - having a weekend to yourself sometimes makes all the difference. I was looking at my calendar the other day and noticed that I haven't had more than one day where I didn't DO something since going to the beach for New Years - now I love it and wouldn't have it any other way but at the same time I do need a break to recharge now and then. I think this weekend was perfect for that!

I woke up on Friday with a sore throat - yesterday I was feeling a bit better, so I went out and played in the snow with my roommate for about an hour or so - and then this morning I woke up not feeling great again - coughing and sneezing with a stuffy nose. I am NOT a fan of getting sick. I don't feel horrible - just congested and blah - I watched a movie this morning and I think another one may be needed. I have The Hannah Montana Movie on my Netflix Queue - I may watch that this afternoon and I'm not afraid to admit it. Sorry this blog wasn't more exciting!

The Poor Weatherman...

2010-01-28T14:44:00.001-05:00

I feel so bad for weather men… no one really takes them seriously. That’s got to be such a bummer of a job where no one believes what you say when YOU’RE THE EXPERT IN THE FIELD! It’s such a shame because in reality people are shooting themselves in the foot. Case in point:

There is a chance of snow this weekend here in Williamsburg. A lot of people who I come into contact with are what I call transplants (been here 10 years or less) and they’re all pretty much saying the same thing - “Ohh yea right… why in the world would is snow in Williamsburg – for as long as I’ve been here it hasn’t snowed; don’t listen to the weatherman, that’s crap.”

My rebuttal to that argument is that yes… it USED to snow in Williamsburg/Hampton Roads area. My brother was born in 80 during one of the worst snow storms, where they got about 2 feet of snow. I can remember many a day in 4th and 5th grade where we had snow days. We used to go sledding in the back yard when we had over a foot of snow back in the mid to late 90s. Now if I’m seeing things correctly it looks like Williamsburg gets a pretty heavy snow storm every ten to fifteen years. Do the math and there should be one coming here in the next 3 years or so… I’m just waiting!

I feel like Meteorologists are one of the most doubted professionals out there, who could literally save your life. They are trained to read what they are given, take that and the NUMEROUS possible tracks that this storm could take, analyze, and warn people of the possible oncoming danger. However for some reason over time weathermen and meteorologists have gotten a bad rap, where their predictions aren’t really true. This is the sad reason you see so many people dying, stranded on their houses, or hunkered down during major storm events. HELLO, YOU HAD WARNING! You just chose to do nothing about it.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to the store tonight to get milk, eggs, cheese, toilet paper and watch the snow fall all day Saturday!

Bubble Week 2 - Complete!

2010-01-24T17:11:00.002-05:00

Week Two of my bubble project is now complete. I really enjoy picking things each week that let me go beyond what I am used to (but not by a TON). This week was complimenting 20 random people throughout the week. I was a little slow of going about it earlier in the week, but then I got to the weekend and just complimented almost everyone I saw. The first compliment was to a lady at the gym – she had a cute matching running suit on and we got into a nice conversation and it turns out that she got another one in blue too. During each compliment I gave, I loved the fact that the person really smiled and also it led to other conversations that I may not have otherwise had with people.

I feel like a lot of times especially now a days, we just get so involved with the piece of technology that is usually in our hands that we don’t stop and notice people who could potentially turn our life around. What if everyone is so plugged into things that we miss opportunities and friendships that are passing us by on a daily basis? This brings me to my week 3 task… No texting. A whole week of no texting for me will be very hard because I am a texting fanatic. I send at least 3000 a month. We’ll see how it goes this week!

I think an awesome added bonus of this whole “bubble blog” project, is the amount of confidence I’m gaining in myself as well as not caring what other people think. Case in point – we went out to the Green Leafe again and I danced for a good two hours + even if no one else was on the dance floor. At one point my roommate turned to me and yelled “WHO ARE YOU?” Subconsciously hidden this side of myself from the people I surround myself with, because I was still worried that they would not like me for all sides of me (as I’ve been told in the past). I’m sure people were standing around judging left and right, but I was having an amazing time and I didn’t care AT ALL! For some reason when I’m dancing I feel like I can look like anything and do whatever I want to and everything is ok.

I’m becoming a lot more comfortable with myself and my convictions. I’m starting to voice my real opinion more also, which is a new thing for me. I normally keep a lot under wraps, only think things to myself, but not really show people the more forceful side of myself. I’ve always been that person who never says anything during a conversation/in depth talk and then think of things I could have said hours later. I’ve kept that from people because I don’t like hurting other people’s feelings. In that process however I had lost the voice that makes me, me and I’m tired of it. Granted, I’m not going to turn into a bitch, but at the same time I need to stand up for myself more and not back down when I feel what I feel. That is beginning to change little by little and I am really enjoying it. I figured that if people don’t like this new side of me then oh well – deal with it. I still have moments where I let my insecurity get to me but it is a lot less than it used to be. I think having a lot of big personalities within my friendships, which has really gotten me to open up more. I can’t wait to see where it goes from here!

Body Image as I see it

2010-01-19T11:51:00.000-05:00

"The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself." ~Elizabeth Metcalf

Body Image is an interesting thing… and a sensitive subject for many so please don’t take what I’m saying to heart. It’s just my opinion and I feel like sharing. I am very thankful that I grew up with a positive self image and lucky enough to have a metabolism that lets me be lenient on what I eat. I was watching a documentary the other night called “America the Beautiful” and it was all about how the United States has an alternate view of what beauty is and the psychological and sociological impacts that has on young girls and women in our country and it really got me thinking.

It really is an interesting topic to look at, as a young woman in our country. In my mind, I compare women talking about what they don’t like about themselves and how they’d like to change their bodies; to men talking about sports. It’s something that you bond over; you have that thing in common, each woman could pick out different things about her body that she doesn’t like; which to me is equivalent to different sports teams for men. You have differing tastes, and different teams that you just can’t stand, but in the end you’re still talking about the same game.

I feel like when you get into discussions with women regarding bodies and self esteem issues you get looked at one of two ways. If you don’t see anything wrong with yourself... you get looked at like you’re insane, but when you say something bad about yourself the other girls/women say you’re crazy and point out what’s wrong with them maybe in an attempt to make you feel better when in reality it just perpetuates the cycle. It’s like that scene in Mean Girls; where Lindsey Lohan is getting acclimated to “Girl World” for the first time and all the girls are standing in front of the mirror:

“Karen: God. My hips are huge! Gretchen: Oh please. I hate my calves. Regina: At least you guys can wear halters. I've got man shoulders. Karen: Ugh, My nail beds suck. Cady: I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there are lots of things that can be wrong with your body”.

I think that is one of the reasons that I LOVE this movie so much. It really does give you the depiction (somewhat skewed) of what girl life is like in high school and beyond (as much as we hate to admit it). Why can’t women get to the point where we just love our bodies as they are? It’s the only one you have in your life. If you don’t like it then you’re going to be in for a long haul. Treat it the best that you can and hopefully you’ll learn to like it. I like to look at myself as a whole and look at the positive in things…

Example: I used to think my boobs were too big. I used to wear minimizers and never really wear low cut tops/tops that showed too much cleavage – I was a bit embarrassed. Then my senior year of college, I found a lump in my left breast. I went through ultrasounds and mammograms every 6 months/year and finally a biopsy 2 years after I found it. Luckily nothing was wrong and I don’t have to get another check up till I’m 35, but it just jolted me out of my insecurity. I have a new found love for my boobs and my body (more than I used to). They’re the only ones I’ll ever have and what if one day I didn’t have them?

Love your body for what it is now; in the present. It is ever changing just like your life… sometimes it will be up sometimes it will be down, but in the end it’s the only one we have. As soon as we learn to accept that, look at ourselves with admiration, the amazing things that our bodies can do, and the places it has taken us - I think women as a whole will be so much more at ease.

Bubble Week 1... Complete!

2010-01-17T17:05:00.000-05:00

One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating. ~Luciano Pavarotti and William Wright

So I can officially mark one thing off my Bubble List... Eat foods I normally wouldn't eat. This week I went outside my comfort bubble regarding food. I've never really ventured too far from my food comfort zone, however lately I've been noticing that I've been eating more and more things that aren't usually on my normal menu. Take cheese for example... I've never really liked cheese. Up until last year I only liked American cheese. Swiss, provolone, cheddar all just didn't appeal to me. Lately, however I feel like I've been very cheese friendly. Trying different sandwiches at restaurants, trying different cheeses at parties and stuff. This week doesn't involve cheese though!

I have never eaten Indian food before. Everyone says how good Newab is here in Williamsburg, but still I haven't tried it before. I've had Thai, Ethiopian and Chinese before. Trader Joe's is becoming my new grocery store of choice... they always seem to be sampling things when I go in and of course I try everything. This time they were sampling Indian cuisine. They have this box of basically a microwavable Indian food, which was Aloo Matar (peas and potatoes), Yellow Dal (lentils and spices) and Basmati Rice. I LOVED it! I again was surprised because I usually HATE peas. They are one of the only vegetables that I can't stand - peas and Lima beans = BLAH! but the combination with everything was really good. I had it a couple nights in a row.

At work we had an Electronic Field Trip week and when that happens we get two catered meals at work for lunch. On Thursday they were having an Asian buffet. Now I'm not a big fan of Asian food either - but I wanted to be adventurous and see if my tastes had changed and I had something of everything from the food that they brought in. I had beef teriyaki, vegetable lo mien, fried rice and salad with fruit in it. Usually with salads I don't like anything but lettuce and veggies... no nuts, fruit or anything like that, but again I tried it and it really wasn't too bad. The vegetable lo mien was so good.

My final "going outside the food bubble" was on Friday night. We had a Chili dinner at church where there were about 4-5 different kinds of Chili available. I ended up going with the Three Meat Chili. This had Beef, Pork and Lamb. I had never had lamb before so I Was a little nervous, but the chili was AMAZING. SO good with just a kick at the end, which was perfect. I loved it!

All in all it was a good week of going outside my comfort zone regarding food choices. I ended up liking everything I tried and I know its a bit of an easy task, but I figured for the first week I was allowed. This coming week I'm going to be complimenting 20 random strangers I run into on a day to day basis throughout the week! We'll see how this goes!

College Poetry

2010-01-16T16:23:00.001-05:00

I wrote this my Senior year at Radford during my poetry class. Just thought I'd share:

Saturday Night -By: Emily Krapf

What do you do in Radford
if you don’t drink on a Saturday night?
They give you a strange look when getting smashed isn’t at the top of your list
My best nights are the ones to remember
The only you can remember

They don’t involve blacking out
Random sexual acts in a party bathroom
With people you won’t remember tomorrow.

Clothing so tight you can see every muscle and curve
Glistening under the black light
Of a skirt infested basement

Students packed in like sardines
But they don’t seem to notice
All they notice are the others dancing seductively around them
Alcohol flowing through the students
As fast as the techno beat

How do you find out things from people?
If you don’t remember anything about them the next day
I need to find a place of substance
Without the usage

A little Introspective thinking...

2010-01-10T22:41:00.000-05:00

I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions. ~James Michener

I’m in an interesting mood currently. I feel as if I want to be noticed. Maybe this blog is my way of saying… “I’M HERE!” I want to do something of substance that people recognize or that I can somehow change something in people. I feel like I’m lacking a sense of purpose in my life. I know that I am a friend, daughter; I work at a job that needs me and that I like a lot, but at the same time something is missing. I want to get to know people better.

I have a ton of acquaintances in my life, which I’m thankful for because I am growing and learning things from these people and if I wanted to I could do something every night of the week, but at the same time – how much do we know about each other? I realize that the majority of people have two different sets of friends. Friends that you can tell everything to and the friends that are fun to hang out with for the moment, but you can’t really be real with them in the deeper sense. I’ve started to get to know a few more people more lately and I love that. The more I learn about people the more I want to know about their background and tell them about myself, my life and my experiences, but again I feel like I have some things holding me back

In the past I’ve gotten burned my many friends (girls especially). I don’t know if I set myself up for something to happen or since I’m such a “giver” type person that I attract the seekers and takers, but whatever it is I tend to have a set lifespan on my friendships. Right before my “friend” graduated from college, she somehow came up with the idea of giving me a letter full of things that apparently she had been holding in for the last four years about what I was lacking in myself and how I hadn’t been a “true friend”. Now she was really good friends with my RA/suitemate at the time who decided to jump on the Bash Emily bandwagon, which did the same thing the same day. Needless to say that was not one of my better days.

Having two(and more) of the stronger friendships I had, stripped from me because of things that I apparently did; built up a wall inside of me that I haven’t really ever gotten over. Ever since then I feel like I’m intruding on other peoples friendships, that I’m the substitute person while they couldn’t hang out with the person they really want to be with at the moment. Not letting myself get too close to exposing too much of myself, while worrying about that happening to me again. I think for that reason, I have more acquaintances in my life, but lately I’ve been searching for a more meaningful friendship/connection with someone.

Now I didn’t write this blog as a woe is me, someone come be my friend type of blog, but something that I wrote more for myself... As a way of releasing the feelings and thoughts I had tonight. For me writing is such a release; almost a cleansing ritual. Once I get something out, I really feel better about the situation and I’m ready to move on.

Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart. ~William Wordsworth

The Bubble Project

2010-01-06T10:26:00.000-05:00

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anaïs Nin

Anxiety is something I’ve always had to some extent, but never realized. I have always overanalyzed life, but it didn’t really hit me full force until about the month or so before college graduation. I felt dizzy/hungry all the time. I thought that it was low blood sugar or something of that nature; so I went to the Dr.; nothing wrong there. The doctor then asked me a series of questions as to how I felt, the life changes that had happened, and she came to the conclusion that I was mistaking my anxiety for hunger which is why I was constantly “hungry”. Throughout the last few years it has come and gone depending on the day and I’ve learned how to manage it a lot better on my own. Exercise has helped immensely with my day to day anxiety. Having friends and an outlet to talk to helps a lot also.

Describing what it feels like to someone is an interesting feat. To me when I’m anxious, I feel like I’m always on alert. Like I’m at the top of a roller coaster looking down at the hill below me in that instant before you fall. My heart starts racing, and my mind goes a mile a minute as I dwell on things that really aren’t that big of a deal when put into perspective. My mind goes faster than I could ever get out in words. Sometimes I’m so deep into my thoughts that I almost forget to breathe and then get light headed when I realize I have to take a breath. Usually when this happens I breathe in and out slowly and my heart rate goes back to normal. I have a habit of talking out my anxiety as well (so if you know me, and have heard me talking to myself – that’s what it is). When I hear it reiterated it helps put it into perspective.

I was driving home from the beach on Sunday afternoon and thought to myself of all the things I had done this weekend that I normally don’t do and how liberated I felt. I also thought about the things that made me anxious, and how other people just go about it on a day to day basis or don’t think anything of it. My parents have always been a tad over protective (ok a LOT) and I think because they point out everything that could happen; I’ve been programmed to think that way all the time. Other people look at an activity and see how fun it is; whereas I see danger or things that could go wrong. I want to change that about myself, more than anything else in my life.

I have decided to do a blog project which I have aptly named “The Bubble Project”, because this is all about going outside my comfort bubble. I’m sure you’re wondering why in the world now, of all times I want to start up a blog project… one where I go beyond my comfort zone, do one thing a week I’ve never tried before/or have always wanted to try, document and write about my feelings towards this adventure. Why not now? I’m going to do one new thing a week that I haven’t ever done before, or that I’ve been too afraid to try in the past.

I currently have a list of forty two things to do this year – I’m ten activities away from the fifty two things I need for doing one thing a week for the entire year. Some things will be easy and some will take planning on my part, but I was watching Julie & Julia last night and I realized that I need to finish something. I always dabble in things, but I never follow through. This is the first year of a new decade where I am independent and on my own. I also turn twenty six this year and its time I branch out and go for it!

You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself. ~Alan Alda

Happy New Year

2010-01-04T10:30:00.000-05:00

As you look back on the past year and all that has taken place in your life, take time to remember the love you have shared and the happiness you have brought. - Taylor Addison

I just had one of the best New Years I’ve had in a long time, if not ever. Usually on New Years I keep it quiet and simple; hanging out at home or with a friend or two, watching the ball drop on TV and then going to bed. This year I did something outside my comfort zone (the theme of this year). I ended up going to the Outer Banks with some friends for most of the week. I left Williamsburg around 2:30pm on Wednesday afternoon and came home on Sunday around the same time. There were so many good memories from this past week that I am so glad I experienced. Getting to know people I didn’t know too well was a big start. Going around hearing the “Roses and Thorns” of their year really makes you realize how different peoples’ lives are.

I have to remind myself that a good majority of the people I went with had a 4 year lead on how well they know each other, so there were a couple moments where I felt a little out of my element, but I pushed through it and came out better for it on the other side. The running joke was that I was trying to get out of my “comfort bubble” this week – by the end of the week it was nonexistent. I loved the experience and getting to know friends better than I had in the past.

Lovell and Me

Me, Adam and Katie

Me and Katie!

View from the Balcony

Another Sunset

Happy 2010!!

My New Year’s resolutions are below – I’d like to accomplish these in no particular order. We’ll see how it goes!

2010 New Year’s Resolutions

Branch out of my comfort zone a little each day
Keep going to the gym – if not more
Donate clothes to charity
Organize more of my life
Cook more
Transcribe my physical journals into a word document
Take more photos/experiment more
Go on more Road trips
Be open to love
Manage my anxieties
Write more letters
Shop Less
Pay down debt
Love the little things

I think that I may have found a lasting topic for this blog finally: Try one new thing a week for 2010 that I don’t feel comfortable doing or something I’ve never done before, and blog about my experience and how I feel going outside of what I’m comfortable with. Anyone have any suggestions as to what to start with??

The most wonderful time of the year

2009-12-17T13:51:00.001-05:00

Christmas is by far one of my favorite times of the year. Friends and Family are abundant, there are always parties to go to, and everyone just seems a lot more thankful and happy. I wish this lasted more than it does, but if it did – would it be as exciting? I figured I would share a bit in my family Christmas Traditions.

I'm staying here for Christmas. Since my extended family always gets together for Thanksgiving, we keep it nuclear for Christmas. Each family is separated with my Gran switching from place to place each year. We got her last year! I'm working a half a day on Christmas Eve this year, which is new for me. I don’t really mind it; however I’m not sure if it’s going to feel as much like Christmas Eve as it has in the past, but I’ll make sure to rock the Pink Santa hat and 98 degrees Christmas music at work.

On Christmas Eve we always go to our neighbor’s house just a mile down the road. They have a big dinner where everyone brings a side dish and a few of us from the road get together. We’ve been doing this since I was 9 and the girls were 4. We are now 25 and almost 20 – how time flies! Both my parents and our neighbors lived in Germany for a while during their lifetimes, so we have a bit of German traditions tied into our celebration. We have "poppers" between dinner and dessert, where you pull both ends of this cardboard (what looks like a paper towel roll nicely gift wrapped and inside there is a paper crown and a toy/little gift of some kind.

After we eat, we move into the living room and onto another German tradition, where they put actual candles on their Christmas tree! We light those *with the extinguisher close by* and the parents always try to recite “The Night before Christmas” (notoriously forgetting parts). After that, we usually go to the midnight church service and since my brother directs the 11:00 news in Charlottesville we wait up for him to get home.

He makes me stay up later so that he isn't awake by himself and we usually wrap presents and watch mindless TV, talk or something of that nature. Usually bedtime is around 230-3am, which is as late as I can stay up anymore. My parents normally wake us up around 10ish and then we open presents. We have Quiche for breakfast and just take naps, take photos, get calls from the family and do whatever around the house on Christmas. It's very nice and relaxing. I love it and wouldn’t change it for anything!

Just me - is the best thing to be

2009-12-07T10:49:00.001-05:00

It just dawned on me the other day while waiting for the William and Mary Holiday Choral Concert to begin, that I have been a college graduate for three years, and I finally feel like I have my place in the “real world”. I lived with my parents for a year after I graduated to save up a little money, and get established back into the world I had left four years prior. My comfort zone had been stripped from under me, whether that is my friends from high school who had moved away from the town we grew up in, gotten married, and started their lives elsewhere; or the people I surrounded myself with on a daily basis at Radford, no longer the center of my world.

I have always been someone who makes friends easily; it just comes naturally to me. With that being said, boy was I in for a shock when suddenly I had to work to meet people my own age. I was no longer in the classroom setting where people my age were in mass quantity, as had been the case since I could remember. I figured I could make friends with people at my first job out of college. Wrong again. My first job was such a harsh environment for me. I had never worked with all women before and I thought it would be fun because a majority of them were my age… at first.

I soon realized that the pack mentality of this group dwarfed any chance I had to actually feel comfortable with these women while I was there. I felt bullied and picked on and surprisingly I stayed there a year not knowing what else I could do with no other work experience right after college. Eventually I had enough after a year of not feeling comfortable in my own skin, dreading going into work each day, not knowing what I’d be in for; and because of that my self esteem suffered. I felt completely lost and unsure of myself, not knowing what direction I wanted to be headed or where to go from here.

Luckily my parents had read in the paper about some young people in town who started a group where we could meet other people our age. I jumped at the chance and started going to meetings. Again I felt a bit out of my element because I was so new to everything, but through these meetings I started meeting wonderful people who are now at the center of my world.

Since that first year my social circle has grown immensely; especially in the last 6 months or so. The main difference I see in myself is confidence. Since turning twenty five I feel very at peace with where I am in life. Of course I have the days where I see my friends in happy relationships, getting married, having babies, buying houses and I feel like I should be on par with that. Then I step back and realize that if I had those things I wouldn’t be having the amazing experience I am having now being single, not having to answer to anyone but myself, and enjoying quality time with friends while I have it before life gets in the way.

I have tried to stop worrying about what other people think of me. I am nobody but myself and I am learning to accept that and do things that make me happy every day. I am not going to please everyone in life so I might as well stop trying – easier said than done, but I’m working on it!

Nature's Beauty

2009-12-02T15:25:00.001-05:00

"I believe that there is a subtle magnetism in Nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us aright." ~Henry David Thoreau

Last night’s moon was incredible. One of the most amazing things I’ve seen in a long time. I saw it earlier in the evening and was surprised at how big it was, but I had seen moons that were pretty big so I didn’t really think too much of it. Around 10:30ish I was playing on facebook and one of my friends said there was a rainbow around the moon. I looked out my window and could only see a sliver of the halo, but I was intrigued. I went downstairs, opened my door, looked directly above me, and immediately started crying. One day I was driving down 199 and a bald eagle flew overhead; another time I was just amazed by the detailed colors of the sunset and I cried then too. It’s so strange how nature has this power over me. Nature is one of the few things that can literally take my breath away. I get so excited, in awe, and happy all at the same time.

I feel like the quote from American Beauty sums up how I feel exactly: “It's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life…”

That is exactly what I was feeling last night as I stood beneath the moon looking up. I just really had this sense of calmness and gratitude. I am so thankful for my life and everyone in it. I know I complain about small things here and there, but when I look at the big picture my life is damn near perfect. When I think of the families and situations that other people are born into I really think maybe there is a reason for things that I may never know… I just know that last night I was blown away by the beauty in one of the things that we see every day of our lives.

Holidays are in the Air

2009-11-20T13:42:00.001-05:00

Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts. ~Author Unknown

Ahh, Thanksgiving, that time of year when family gets together, watches massive amounts of football, gorges on turkey and pumpkin pie, and just hangs out together enjoying the company. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday since I can remember. We always lived a good 6-8 hours away from their home in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. I have so many memories of driving up 64 and 81 listening to Kathy Mattea, Tom Chapin and of course the “Bunnicula” Series on tape. When we were bored we’d play eye spy, how many different state license plates can you count, and we were given bags of Jelly Belly’s to keep us occupied by guessing the flavor.

Once we get to PA usually the first night we have pizza because it’s the easiest before the hoopla of Thanksgiving came about. Everyone crams into my Gran’s house – gets settled in their respective rooms – it’s the same every year… Mom and Dad get the “Green Room”, Uncle John and Aunt Denise get the “Blue Room”, then Aunt Barbara gets the “Pink Room” upstairs on the third floor - across from the “boys room”. The girls usually all sleep downstairs on the couches and the floors until the parents come down in the morning and we sneak back up to the warm comfy beds for another hour or two. This cycle perpetuates for as long as everyone is there. The last few years, everyone has been coming in at different times so that can either complicate or alleviate the situation depending on the year.

My parents have a fun background story. They met in fifth grade. They were both in the same gifted classes and at that time they went to a separate school. The stories told throughout the years have been pretty humorous; my dad gave my mom a chocolate covered bumble bee to eat one day, another story they tell says that my dad wrote his contact information in my mom’s datebook in 6-7th grade, but she made sure she erased it because at that time boys of course; had cooties. Apparently if you asked my dad what he wanted when he grew up he would say “To be an Astronaut and marry Peggy Cannon”.

Their social security numbers are just two digits off and their parents have been friends since they can remember. They were in the same group of friends all through middle and high school, but never dated. They went to senior prom together as friends and proceeded to get into a car accident on the way home. My dad went off to the Air Force Academy and mom went to Kutztown in PA – they would see each other over breaks but nothing really happened until “The Flood”.

In 1972 Hurricane Agnes came and ended up flooding the Susquehanna River which flows through Wilkes-Barre. It was 4 feet above the levees and ended up leaving some parts of town under 9 feet of water. My parents came home to help their parents out, hung out a bit more and then realized that there was something more there than they had previously realized. The flood came in June and they were married that December in the church gymnasium under the basketball hoops because the church wasn’t fully finished since the flood. My brother was born 7 years later and then I came along 4 years after that.

My parents were both one of four children in the family. On my dad’s side, they were all relatively close to the same age with his younger sister being 9 years younger than him. My dad’s father died in 82’ or 83’ of pancreatic cancer, before I had a chance to meet him. Each of his siblings had 3 kids, except for my parents who only had 2. There are 11 Grandchildren, 8 of whom range from the ages of 29 to 20. Now we are going to have our 3rd Great Grandchild here within the next month or so. It is so cool to see 4 generations in one room. Our extended family has branched out to Include 23 of us, 2 of whom are engaged currently, so that will bring more people in I’m sure.

On my mom’s side everyone again was two to three years apart except for her younger brother who was 13 years younger. (He was a bit of a surprise you could say). Her one brother lives in Alaska and the two others live in PA. I have 4 cousins on my mom’s side so that is a lot of fun too. Since my parent’s parents live in the same neighborhood pretty much, traditionally we have always had two thanksgiving dinners. We would have a ham dinner at 2 and then walk over to my Gran’s (dad’s mom) and have a Turkey dinner at 6… SO much food! You’d be amazed at the amount we ate. Luckily only one meal was turkey or we’d have an overdose of tryptophan on our hands!

My grandmother (moms mom) passed away of complications with Alzheimer’s about a year and a half ago so this will be the second Thanksgiving without her here. My Grandpa just sold the house that they have lived in for over 40 years and is now living in a retirement community. He has his own apartment, which my mom says is very cute. I haven’t seen it yet. I’m a little reluctant to change so this will be a different Thanksgiving than what I’m used to. I was in that house for the last time and didn’t realize it. You better believe I’m going to take pictures of my Gran’s house this year. I’m very excited about seeing my cousins, extended family and just getting away from everything for a while. I can’t wait to see everyone and I’ll update you with photos when I get back!!

"It Don't Matter if you're Black or White"

2009-11-18T12:20:00.000-05:00

In the last 6 months or so I’ve been hanging out with a lot of runners… not just runners who do it to burn off stress or a 5k here and there… oh no – these are Triathletes who are swimming, biking AND running runners… as well as marathon runners who are extremely passionate about what they do and train more than I’ve put time into anything before. I’ve learned many terms over the few months. I’ve learned about PRs, Bonking, and off season Trainers vs. Rollers. I’ve found out what Gel Packs are, transition times, and how many different kinds of wheels go on bikes. (Way more than you would think!). I have always gravitated towards people, who have different interests than me, but I’ve been doing it my whole life and I wouldn’t change it for anything because of the amazing people I’ve had come and go through my life. Maybe it stems from my elementary school experience.

My dad was in the Air Force for 24 years including the 4 at the Air Force Academy, where he went to school. My dad got stationed at Langley Air force base in Hampton, VA when I was 4 ½, right before I started kindergarten. He was stationed here before in the late 70’s/early 80’s. It’s actually where my brother was born before they got sent to Germany for 3 years. They purchased a house and then leased it out to other families throughout the year with the possibility that he may be stationed here again. 8-9 years later it happened, so they went back to the same house in the same neighborhood.

The Wythe section of Hampton is a primarily African American city. In our neighborhood where we lived there were white families, but almost none of them went to the public school. They went to a “magnet school” in the next neighborhood over. My parents didn’t understand this. They felt that I should be mainstreamed and be open to the different experiences that would come my way. I can’t thank them enough for this. From Kindergarten through 3rd grade I was the only white girl in my class. There were four other boys and me, but everyone else was black. The funny thing about it was that I never even realized the color barrier. To me I was blind to that, having been exposed to that so early. No one ever pointed it out to me so I didn’t see anything different. *Maybe that’s why my favorite Michael Jackson Song is “Black or White”*. That changed in 2nd Grade.

My friend Okema was having a birthday party. She was passing out the invitations in class and gave one to all the girls, but she didn’t give one to me. I was a curious 2nd grader who was bummed that her friend didn’t give her a birthday invite, so being a kid… I asked why I didn’t get one. She looked at me point blank and said, “Look at you – you wouldn’t fit in”. I really didn’t understand. I remember going home to my mom and asking her what she meant. I didn’t really fully grasp why I wasn’t going to be going to her birthday party… I just knew that something about me was different. How do you put that into perspective for an 8 year old? I just knew from then on I wouldn’t make anyone feel how I felt that day.

We moved away before the beginning of my 4th Grade year, here to Williamsburg. I remember sitting in the cafeteria at Norge Elementary with my dad on the first day of school and just being amazed at the racial difference between Wythe and here. It was a bit different getting used to for a while, but I acclimatized to the situation.

Ever since then I have always been the one in my group of friends to try and include everyone. I took the new kid under my wing in middle school, or made sure the boy getting picked on, on the bus had someone to sit next to. It’s just been wired in me to do that. In High School most of my friends were on the model UN team, top 20 in our graduating class, and taking more academically challenging classes. I was going to school, getting mostly B’s and a few C’s and was in band because it was my social outlet. I saw how people get stressed out from many different things, to my friends it was not getting an A on the test they got an 89 on, and for me it was which of my friends had or didn’t have the same lunch period.

In college I got extremely involved with the GLBTA (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, and Allies) student group on campus. I want everyone to have equal rights, and who am I to tell someone who they can and cannot love. I went through “Safe Zone Training” which meant that I learned what to do or how to handle a situation where someone could come to me if they needed to vent their frustration about the lack of acceptance they felt as a person or if they were thinking of coming out to someone who wasn’t as accepting.

That opened my eyes up to another group of people different from me and what they are going through, and how they thought about things. I’m going to admit that for a while I was a little ridden with self doubt – “but why would they want to hang out with me if I’m different. What do they see in me if I don’t have their passion in common with them? Maybe I’m just meant to be a little different than the people I hang out with and give them a breath of fresh air – an outlet where they can get away from the stressors that they have in common with their fellow buddies. If everyone was the same, and had all the same things in common life would be so boring. Your friends are meant to open your eyes to new and exciting experiences, different ways of thinking, making you laugh, and helping shape you to be the person you’re supposed to be in life. I’m so thankful for everyone!!

“Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait for the answer.” ~Author Unknown

First Blog of Many...

2009-11-17T17:39:00.000-05:00

Hello Everyone!

I've decided to start a blog - I used to have a Live Journal back when those were popular while I was in college to document my college life (it turned out to be pretty interesting looking back), before the world of Facebook and MySpace came along... That dissipated and I turned to Facebook to connect with people I knew. I’ve always loved writing for as long as I can remember. I used to write fiction stories in elementary and middle school, hope for essays on tests, and I still keep a physical journal, which I write in pretty regularly, but something about sharing your thoughts with people give them an insight to you they may not have otherwise seen. Also, a positive thing about the blog is that you can upload photos into each post and having my two loves (writing and photography) in the same website has me hooked!

I graduated from Radford University in December of 2006 with a degree in Psychology and a Minor in Marketing. I moved back home after college … I wouldn’t change that for anything because it helped me find my passion in photography.

I was bored one day when I was home from work and decided to take my small point and shoot camera around my parents land. They have about 5 acres that they live on, which includes a barn and a pond so the pictures are endless that can be taken there. The first photo I took was of some leaves on the ground with water droplets on it. I realized that it was a pretty cool picture so I took some more that day. The Daily Press (local newspaper here) has a website www.hrtownsquare.com where people around the area can post their photos and other people will rate them and then the editors of the paper can choose to put them in the paper.

My first photograph that I took was chosen to be in the paper. I couldn’t tell you how excited that made me! That definitely fueled my fire – nothing was cooler than seeing my name and photograph in the paper that day. I was hooked. From there I tried every spare minute to take better pictures, more unique pictures and just expand my horizon. I’ve taken more photography classes through the local community college here, any photography classes I see in the paper I try to sign up for. I had 15 pictures in the paper that first year on the website. From there I wanted more. I recently entered a State wide photography contest put on by the Ivy Creek Foundation in Charlottesville, VA and got an Honorable Mention for one of my photographs I took.

My mom has her own business as do two of my uncles, so that entrepreneur spirit runs in the family. I had been going to craft shows in different areas and everywhere I went I would collect other photographer’s cards. I have quite the collection. I had also upgraded my Nikon Point and Shoot camera to a Nikon D40X Digital Single Lens Reflex (SLR) camera. I ran into a nun in downtown Wilkes-Barre, PA selling photo cards for her church at the local bazaar and took her card. She was extremely helpful in telling me where she gets her card stock. My Uncle also lives in Alaska and puts together greeting cards and calendars for the area and that helped motivate me a lot as well. I checked out the website and figured I could do the same thing. In August 2008 for my birthday my parents gave me a little jump start for my own business selling my photography. MemoryCard Photography was born.

I started out just selling note cards with different pictures from around the area. I like keeping the images local to show people that you don’t have to travel far to get amazing pictures. That went well, but then I wanted to expand a bit so this year I started blowing my photos up to 5x7 and 8x10 prints with mats around those. Those have been selling quite well. I also lowered my price of my cards a dollar and those have been selling a LOT better than previous year. I’m pretty excited about how everything has been going with that lately. My goal by the end of 2010 would be having a display at This Century Art Gallery, a display at Aromas in Merchants Square, or to be in Occasion for the Arts.

Sometimes I look at other photos and think “wow those are so artistic and cool I could never do anything like that”, but at the same time I also step back and try to look at my photos from an outsider’s perspective and realize that I have my own artistic flair to it. It may not be as abundantly clear as some other artists’ photos, but it’s me. Photography is just like any other art form… everyone looks at the same picture, but sees something completely different inside of that picture that speaks to them individually.

Someone once asked me what my favorite part of photography was and I said “The possibility that showing one of my photographs may help someone open their eyes to what they have not seen before; and knowing that I even had the slightest impact in the experience of that joy when seeing something beautiful for the first time is completely worth it”.